Save the Cosco, Save the World
by But Friends Make Secrets
Summary: Sylar has taken Cosco. Oh No! What will happen? Will our heroes prevail? Will I ever give up crack? Who knows... Yet another crackfic. Hope you enjoy! And please review! I need your thoughts...


**DISCLAIMER!! **I don't own Heroes or Cosco!!

Ok, part of it is gonna seem like I'm advertising Cosco, but I really like that store! In fact, this story was inspired by me telling one of my friends that if i could, I would totally live in Cosco. Please review, even if you don't like it. I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoy though!

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Sylar wandered the streets in an utterly foul mood.

He'd been so wrapped up in finding powers to steal, he'd forgotten to forward rent to his landlord to keep the new apartment he'd just bought. As a result, he'd just gotten a notice that he'd been evicted. Sure, he didn't spend a lot of time there, but still. The nerve!

And now, not only did he not have an apartment, but he'd have to by all new furniture too! (He'd been so angry about the whole situation, he _accidentally_ set fire to his belongings.)

Sylar was glaring at the sidewalk, fuming, when a piece of paper flew right into his face.

"Son of a Patrelli!" He pulled the flyer off his face and was about to nuke it when he noticed what it said.

"COME TO COSCO FOR OUR 25 OFF HOME APPLIANCE SALE!!"

"Cosco?" Sylar had never been there before(gasp!) and decided that as long as he needed new stuff, he might as well take advantage of a sale.

After about half an hour, Sylar finally found the store. He stood outside of the large warehouse and looked it over.

"Well, it's certainly big." Sylar walked in, hoping to maybe buy a few decent things. However, when he walked in, his jaw immediately dropped to the floor.

It wasn't just big! It was MASSIVE!! And not only that, it had everything! As Sylar gained enough control of his body to look around, he saw not only home appliances, but furniture, clothes, electronics, food, OH THE FOOD!! How Sylar had managed to not hear about this wondrous place was beyond him…

Suddenly, an idea formed in Sylar's head. If he wanted to steal as many powers as possible, than surely he would need a base of operations. And what better place than a massive warehouse that was already stocked with everything he could possibly need?

Sylar began casually walking around the store, taking free samples here and there, until he found what he was looking for.

A megaphone.

"Wow, this place really does have everything…" Sylar walked to the front of the store before clearing his throat and announcing in the megaphone, "PEOPLE OF COSCO. I NOW CLAIM THIS STORE AS MY OWN! PLEASE LEAVE THROUGH THE NEAREST EXIT IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIVES." For a moment, everyone stared at him blankly. Sylar twitched a little. "NOW!!" The people were then telekinetically herded out of the building.

A few cities over, Mohinder was sitting in front of the T.V., enjoying the peaceful, uneventful day. Days like this were rare in Mohinder's life and he liked to take advantage of them when he got the chance. He smiled contently as he sipped on his tea and turned on his T.V. to watch the news.

"…and in other news, we are now entering hour 3 in the epic siege of Cosco by local super villain, Sylar." A picture was shown in the corner of the screen of an evil-smiling Sylar. Mohinder sighed and put his tea down on the table. So much for his peaceful day. He took out his phone and began dialing.

"Oh, well. Time to rally the troops…"

A few hours later, Mohinder had gotten most of the Heroes assembled outside of the stolen Cosco. Most of them had been very quick to agree to help once they heard of the situation…

FLASHBACK

Peter: "NOOOOO!! NOT THE COSCO!!"

Clair: "OMG! But that's where I buy my pompoms!"

Matt: "sob I just can't believe this is happening! It's almost to much to bear!"

D.L.: "I've done some pretty bad things in my life, but this… I can't even comprehend this…"

END FLASHBACK

The rest were pretty much the same. Needless to say the store was popular.

"So what are we gonna do?" Peter asked the group.

"Save the Cosco! Save the world!" Hiro shouted excitedly.

"No Hiro, this is different." Clair said. "It's more like, 'save the Cosco, save the Universe!'"

Nathan just rubbed the bridge of his nose. Now he loved Cosco as much as the next guy, but seriously…

Mohinder sighed as well. "Listen, why don't we just go and try to reason with him." There was a pause. "…And if that doesn't work we beat the crap out of him." There was a chorus of cheers as they all tried to storm the door at the same time.

When they finally got inside, they found Sylar sitting on a Throne he'd found in the back and wearing a cape and crown he'd found in the costume aisle. He jumped up when he saw the Heroes gathered before him. "Son of a Bennett!"

"Hey! Leave my brother out of this!" Clair yelled. Mohinder just shook his head. "Look, Sylar this is crazy. Can you just give the Cosco back so we can all go home?"

"No way! This place is the best! Why would I just give it up?"

"He's makes a good point." Matt said.

Nikki/ Jessica groaned. "Whatever lets just fight already!"

"She's right! CHARGE!" And with that Peter led them all into what soon became one of the most epic battles the world has ever seen. Soon, not only Cosco, but the surrounding three city blocks were destroyed. Finally there was a break in the fighting.

Sylar glanced around him. He huffed. "Aw, my Cosco! You guys wrecked it!" He pouted for a moment before shrugging. "Oh well, at least you guys don't get it either."

The remaining Heroes looked around and then began to have a sob fest when they realized he was right.

Mohinder look at the wreckage and the crying heroes. He really needed a more normal life. "I knew I should have been a dentist…"

"Hey Mohinder!"

Said scientist look over his shoulder to see Sylar walking up to him.

"You mind if I bunk with you for awhile? I got evicted."

"Gee, I wonder why…"

"What was that?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing." Mohinder sighed. "Sure, I have a spare."

"Thanks a million buddy!"

And with that, they left, leaving the still sobbing heroes in the now destroyed parking lot of what use to be Cosco.

THE END!

Well, I hope you liked it. Yes, I am in fact aware that I am insane. What can ya do... Stop taking drugs? I suppose, but still... How could I write without them?

...

...

I hope you all know that was sarcasm.


End file.
